The Deployment Gods...Nasty Little Buggers

My husband and I took extra care trying to get things in order right before he left for Afghanistan. We made sure most home repairs were completed, had our cars serviced, got our finances straight and hired a lawn man who actually cleans gutters and bags the freshly cut grass. We felt that life was squared away and hoped things were set up to run smoothly during his absence. Right. I was asking a little too much.

See, there are these entities called The Deployment Gods and they are NOT nice. Oh they are vicious, nasty little buggers that find it humorous to make my life a freaking nightmare while my husband is gone. It never fails, they do it every time!

So this is how they work. They only give you three options. Number 1: the kids will act like terrors the moment your husband gets on the bus. Number 2: anything and everything expensive will break and need to be repaired or replaced. And if they are feeling especially nasty, you might get option number 3: bad kids and broken crap. I know it sounds a little on the dramatic side but I've yet to come across someone say otherwise. Ask anyone whose husband has just deployed and they will give you one of those scenarios listed above. I promise.

Thankfully I was spared option number 3. A double whammy is no fun. However, they decided to bestow upon me their blessing of stuff breaking and needing to be repaired/replaced. And trust me, I think their timing was cruelly calculated. Our taxes are filed, Jacob and I planned how much we were going to put into savings and talked about the new purchases we were going to make. Like replacing our two box TVs. That's right, no flat screens in this house and it looks like we won't have one anytime soon. The tax money will go to repairs.

So here is this list:

Number 1: A tree infested with carpenter ants. Supposedly insurance won't cover us if it falls.

$$ to hire someone to cut it down $$

Number 2: Broken fixture. I'm sure it's something I could probably fix but I won't due to a past experience.

me + metal + live wire = entire downstairs without power + a healthy fear of electricity

I'll leave it to an expert:

$$ to replace a fixture $$

Number 3: stems to master bedroom faucets need to be replaced and can only be done by someone pulling out the toilet, sink vanity and cutting into walls. My husband tried to temporarily patch the problem so excuse the caulking:)

$$ to replace stems inside the wall $$

Number 4: the stems in the boys bathroom also need to be replaced which will require someone cutting into another wall.

$$ to replace the boys bathroom fixtures $$

Number 5: My cat wanted out real bad so she made her own exit.

$$ to replace 1 window screen $$

Number 6: My cat wanted IN real bad. So she tried to claw her way through another window screen.

$$ to replace 2nd window screen $$

Number 7: My cat wanted out again. So she made herself another exit through another window.

$$ to replace a 3rd window screen $$

Number 8: I'm almost done I promise. See that hole in the above picture, in the lower right corner? Yes, as I was taking this picture I heard a plastic plop sound. As I saw the dryer vent fall from the wall I couldn't help but get a mental picture of The Deployment Gods dropping a small cherry on this iced, crumbling piece of cake.

$$ to replace dryer vent $$

Thanks guys. I appreciate this.